Saturday, June 23, 2007

profiles in outrage

scooter libby, future maker of license plates, bravura trick-or-treater, amateur roto rooter man, boon buddy to geneva convention busters, slitherer through loopholes, blonde spy outer, convicted liar, whined that his neocon pals' letters may be "mocked by bloggers," and grovels for an appeal.

dear scoot: bananas have a peel; felons not.

scooter might soon have a bigger problem - like his tatooed mammothian new cellmate named "boo."

the muck on our picture of dick cheney accretes the way cheap coats of shellac darken old portraits. his visage looms like some megalo venetian doge, minus the fruity medieval cap.

retreating ever behind layers of secrecy, we can hope he disappears altogether. he has made so much else disappear: the names of his visitors, the minutes of his meetings, the honor of america's constitution.

his underling libby is about to disappear into a federal prison. we hope the veep will soon follow, wherein he can find his colsonian jesus, thwack a bible, re-emerge humbled and saintly, appointed professor of ethics at preacher robertson's toy law school, to sit at the right hand of his bud john ashcroft as they both lecture below the statue of lady justice, whose fulsome paps are chastely cloaked.

general peter pace, sexual moralist, strategist of slaughter, got the westmorelandian boot up his semper fi backside this week. the surgers feel pp's approval hearings in congress might cause "controversy." they might also raise truths. truths of military stupidity, deceit, wastage of american lives, and the evisceration of iraq. we musn't air those camoflage undies for the public to see.

goodbye, alliterative general. a massively overpaid sinecure at a bloated defense contractor no doubt awaits.

hans von spakovsky, a name that rings with teutonic tintinabulation, has played the role of obersturmbahnfuehrer for republican's voter suppression efforts. wherever hans' arsch has sat before desk and phone, african american, native american, and hispanic american voters are sure to have their right to vote thrown into question.

and so - and this is echt bush - our president seeks to appoint hans to the federal election commission. hans' testimony before john conyers' committee was a melding of gonzales impaired memory syndrome and near perjury. appoint the herr consul to liechtenstein and get him out of town.

monica goodling brought a candy striper smile and a jim crow bible to her justice department posts. she is a clear example of the new christo-authoritarian underling - feminine, yet a dogged commissar in alberto gonzales' nkvd "justice" department.

she learned her chops in oppo research (that is, dirty tricks) and voter caging with one of karl rove's trainees. she fired professionals for no reason and replaced them with pliable applicants. she confessed before congress to breaking federal law. she exemplifies racism with an angelic face.

ryan crocker, america's new ambassador to iraq, embodies colin powell's pottery barn rule - he looks already like busted crockery.

to watch this quavering wimpus maximus interviewed from his baghdad bunker was to see the deer in the klieg lights, the visual evidence of what a pants-shitter being in baghdad so malodorously is.

ryan crocker is the don knotts of the green zone.

"ryan of mayberry - baghdad edition" is on the fox network's fall schedule. a warm, sentimental half hour comedy, in addition to crocker, it co-stars jeb bush as sheriff andy, babs bush as aunt b, rumsfeld as floyd the idiot barber, and sanjaya as opie.

can you still whistle the theme song?

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