"i misinvaded"

these are the two words i most want to hear from president commander guy's mouth. not misspoke, misstated, misunderestimated, miss thing, or miss accomp.

***

political ornithologists report a strange sighting in the baghdad area. a large slow avian biped (liebermanis disgustus) has been photographed by a number of observers. its grating squawk, "surge, surge, surge," has been tape recorded. this gross near-extinct creature's flak-vest tan plumage and head crest resembling a doughboy's world war one helmet have elicited global astonishment.

the world wildlife fun added: "this species appears to mix simian and avian physiology in an unseemly brew. such a specimen should be captured and held in a preserve on, say, elba."

a unique grotesquerie for your life list, birders.

***

all bush-appointed immigration judges should be deported. see how they like it. they can then re-apply for asylum and test their luck.

***

due to a collapsed tin ceiling in our aging composing room, a guest editorial, "hardliner crybaby," wrongly appeared in the sports section. the incorrect photo and caption gave the impression that representative john boner volunteered to perform as bozo the clown for a ward of quadraplegic iraqi children.

mr. boner, to the best of our knowledge, has never been a freelance clown. he is paid.

***

if della street could talk:
monica goodling's favorite course at pat robberson's school o' law was called "should jesus have hired perry mason?"

***

because of exceptionally powerful solar flares affecting electromagnetic transmissions, tuesday's article "learn english good or go home" was mysteriously printed in swedish.

***


epitaph:

here jerry fallwell lies.
as usual.