Saturday, July 21, 2007

american slapshots

at midnight crowds exit a borders with capes, wands and magus caps. across the street on the church terrace the homeless under horse blankets sleep.


george w. bush toured a bun factory in nashville. president doughboy quipped "you guys are really making some serious bread here."
on saturday bush's buns will be parted during a colonoscopy. the pres will be under anesthesia (boosting his i.q. significantly). under section 3 of the 25th amendment to the u.s. constitution dick cheney will be acting president. enjoy your weekend knowing an unconscious buttbrain will be replaced by a true asshole.


fema (fubar emergency manglement ass.) has generously offered its services for republican senators' next all night filibuster. instead of a room cluttered with rolled-in cots, fema is importing their fab femameldahyde portable trailers for the solons' sleeping pleasure. they can now fume among the aromatic fumes emanating from the pressed wood chipboard interiors so beloved by new orleans expats.

chinese contractors will provide free toothpaste and bottles of cough syrup brewed according to their special secret formulas. the national security agency will install telephone and email service as part of their total info awareness plan. blackwater will handle security. an autographed copy of "the sayings of newt gingrich" will rest on each pillow.

a spokeslug for acme trailer enterprises declared "these senators look like they've been soaking in formeldahyde for eons, so a whiff or two of fumes won't make no difference."


fred of hollywood is announcing its new line of "vitter diapers." their slogan: "hook 'er with our ragin cajun undies exclusives."

to get the balls rolling, fred is sending all male u.s. senators a box of a dozen starter dipes. "we'd like to do some photo shoot sessions with the senators during their next filibuster pajama party all nighter," said a public relations agent.

no senators or their staff would comment. michael moore said "we already know they're full of crap."


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