high military officials announced that the bird poop attack on president bush during an outdoor press conference is part of a "dangerous avian al quaida terrorist threat."
Department of homeland security czar michael cjerkoff stated "effective immediately, all birds are on the dhs no-fly list." the director further announced the appointment of tippi hedron as new head of the anti-avian terrorist task force. ms. hedron interrupted her face lift surgery and boarded a plane for washington.
Reports of navy gun boats shelling east coast bird sanctuaries could not be confirmed at this hour.
the aclu reported that an fbi raid on audubon society headquarters was underway. an fbi spokescretin said "any avian terrorist sympathizers will be met with the full power of the law."
senator byrd of west viginia was reportedly detained.
air force colonel walter pigeon commented: "if we see so much as a tweety bird on the wing, our pilots have orders to make broilers out of them suckers."
president commander guy issued this statement: "i tollya they were gonna strike at us at home again. why don't yall listen to me?"
police were seizing copies of an alfred hitchcock film they were not at liberty to name, claiming it is "an ortnitho-islamic fascist al quaida training film that could endanger national security."
al quaida of iraq denounced the administration's actions as "chicken shit."
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1 comment:
I once practically lived in a bird sanctuary and can attest to NO POOP ATTACKS! This confirms that the President was a victim of Iranian dive bombing. I want a song by Toby Keith to go with the required Shock N Awe.
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